Activity program.
♪♪
♪♪
Applause
Thank you, thank you very, very much ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to our show.
You know, I just went through the penalty of being a celebrity.
You see, this being a studio, you know where stars come in and go actors, you see,
there's always a crowd of people outside clamoring for autographs and souvenirs and everything.
And just as I was coming in, a little old lady walked over to me with a pair of scissors in her hand,
and before I knew what she was doing, she cut off the end of my tie.
And you know, the whole thing was so unnecessary, I kept telling her I'm not Rock Hudson.
But you know, normally, of course, people just ask for autographs, that's all.
And of course, sometimes they ask you to sign the silliest thing, a little piece of cardboard.
Well, there was a fellow standing there tonight who handed me a dollar bill,
you know, wanted me to put my name on it.
And all those ridiculous, I decided to get a dollar bill.
I think it was a dollar.
No, it was five.
Now at least I can pay for my tie.
But I, and you know a strange thing, you've probably heard this a million times,
about people who ask for autographs.
For some reason or other, they're always ashamed to say it's for themselves.
Everybody, they always say it's for my granddaughter or my grandson, you know.
I don't know why it is, but they're ashamed to say, give me an autograph for me,
it's for my granddaughter, they always do it.
But then, of course, don't get me wrong, I appreciate autographs.
I appreciate all of my fans.
As a matter of fact, so much so, that tonight I've gotten so many lovely fan letters,
I'd like to read some of them for you tonight, if you don't mind.
Could I have my fan mail, please?
Thank you.
I'm not going to be able to read it all, you know.
I'll just, oh for heaven's sake, this isn't my bag.
It's Don Wilson's lunch.
There's something moving in there, I don't know what.
Here, take this back, will you please?
For heaven's sake, imagine having one.
You thought I was kidding, didn't you?
Get this out of here, he has to eat it later.
Here, here.
But anyway, ladies and gentlemen, the reason that I wanted you to read,
I wanted to read some of these fan letters to you,
is because you'd be surprised how many letters I get asking me
if just once I would play a violin solo and finish it,
that I'd stop kidding around with it, you see.
So I'm going to do it, because they want me to.
I'm going to do it now.
May I have my violin, please?
Thank you.
My bow.
And my rosin.
And of course,
my bow.
Normally, you see, I would have a stage hand to bring these things out,
but I just thought I'd like to do something for you folks who are not music lovers.
You may go.
This bit, this bit alone, cost me $600.
But it started three beautiful friendships.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, I would like to play Monty's Charters.
Did you come up from the audience?
Well, honey, you're not supposed to come up here on the stage in the middle of a show, you know.
I'm sorry, Mr. Benny, but I thought maybe you'd let me have your autograph.
Well, I'll give it to you as soon as the show is over.
Just go back and come back later.
Oh, wait a minute, as long as you were here.
Come here, I'll give it to you now.
You sure this autograph is for you?
I mean, it isn't for your grandmother or anything?
Oh, no, this is for me.
My grandmother already has the end of your tie.
I see. All right.
Then I will give you this autograph.
What is your name, honey?
Tony Marcus.
Tony, Tony Marcus.
That's a cute name, isn't it?
Oh, wait a minute, this is so uncomfortable.
Here, hold this a minute, will you, darling?
Be careful, that's a violin here.
Here, hold the bow. Don't touch the hair or anything.
Just hold the bow, and I'll write something nice on here, you know.
To Tony, with all good wishes.
With all good wishes.
Thank you, thank you very much. That's fine.
No, no, that's fine, honey. That's fine.
That's fine.
Give me the violin already.
Now, go back where you were sitting.
I'll see.
Wait a minute, come here.
Here's the autograph. You can iron it out.
Wait a minute.
I probably, you know, I was a little bit upset.
You're welcome. You're welcome.
Of course, it would be ridiculous for me to play that same number now.
But ladies and gentlemen, I know you won't be disappointed
when I introduce my guest star of the evening.
A very, very talented, lovely young lady,
who is one of our most popular recording stars,
and certainly one of our most beautiful, Miss Julie London.
Hey, Daddy.
I want a diamond ring, bracelets, everything.
Daddy, you ought to get the best for me.
Daddy, gee, won't I look swell in this saver's clothes with all those labels?
Daddy, you ought to get the best for me.
Here's an amazing revelation with a bit of stimulation.
I'd be a great sensation.
I'd be your inspiration.
Daddy, I want a brand new car, champagne, caviar.
Daddy, you ought to get the best for me.
For occasional recreation, how about San Juan for vacation?
I promise I will ration all you need for relaxation.
Daddy, I want some charge accounts at Saks for large amounts.
Daddy, you ought to get the best for me.
You ought to get the best for me.
Oh, baby, if you can't make it, I'm going to have to split it.
You dig?
Bye.
Julie, that was just wonderful, and I can't tell you how happy I am that you're on the show with me.
Oh, well, Jack, it's a big thrill for me working with America's number one comedian.
What'd you say, Julie?
I said it's a big thrill for me to be working with America's number one comedian.
Look, Julie, when you sing, whisper, you see?
But when you're complimenting me, speak up.
I mean, the way she talks, I feel like we're doing our show in a library.
But anyway, Julie, I do want to thank you for the compliment.
I've always been a great admirer of yours, you know, and I love all of the albums that you make.
You do such a good job with them.
Oh, that's very nice of you to say so, Jack.
And the records, so many of those records.
Tell me, what is the most difficult thing about making a record album?
Posing for the covers.
I want to tell you that not only that I'm glad that you're on the show,
this is the second time you've been with me.
Oh, I should say so, Jack.
And, you know, I always enjoy being with you so much.
You have?
Mm-hmm. I certainly do.
You're so easy to work with.
Usually I'm nervous, but with you I'm so relaxed.
You make everyone feel so comfortable, so at ease.
Really?
I've admired you for so long that I think you're the sweetest person I know.
You're whispering again.
Well, I mean, you are sweet.
Wait for the laugh, honey. Wait for the laugh.
What did you say?
I mean it, Jack. I mean it.
You're very sweet. I see.
And, you know, I'd really like to tell you what I think of you,
but maybe you'd let me sing it to you, huh?
You want to sing what you think? Okay, go ahead.
Whenever I'm downhearted or have a trying day,
you come along and ease me.
You're sweet that way.
And when I'm feeling moody, without a word to say,
you lighten my mood.
And I'm open.
You're sweet that way.
And any time I want some more affection,
I merely hold my breath.
I feel, I feel alive when things are not okay
because you never let me down.
I'm sweet that way.
Isn't she beautiful?
I think she likes me, too, you know.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, not to disappoint you,
I'm going to do what I started to do before,
and that is play a violin number.
Now, all the way through.
Could I have my violin, please?
My bow.
And now my rosin.
Where is that third girl that was here?
That was me.
You?
Yeah.
I didn't know I had to come back, so I took my makeup off.
Oh, get off of here, will you?
That's the most ridiculous thing you'll ever hear.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to play
the meditation from Thais.
I'm sorry to bother you, but on this autograph you gave me,
you spelled Tony wrong.
I spelled Tony wrong?
Yes.
When Tony is a girl's name, it's spelled with an I.
Oh, and I spelled it with a Y.
No, with an E.
I spelled Tony with an E?
Yes, two of them.
Oh, for heaven's sake.
Well, look it, I'll fix it up for you later, huh?
And Mr. Benny, I'm sorry I interrupted you
because I love to hear you play the violin.
Do you really?
Yes, I listen to you all the time.
No.
Yes, and you know that number you did with Giselle McKenzie?
Oh, you heard, the one that, Getting to Know You?
Uh-huh, I can play that.
Really?
I always practiced it at home.
You mean after you saw Giselle?
Me, after you heard us do it, huh?
Yes.
Oh, for heaven's sake.
And you can play it?
Uh-huh.
Her part?
Yes.
Oh, gosh, yeah.
Would you like to play it with me?
All right.
You wouldn't be nervous or anything, would you?
No.
You sure?
All right, here, hold it.
I'll get another violin.
Oh, Don, Don, will you please get me a violin from the orchestra?
You sure you won't be afraid?
No.
Well, for a fella that eats his lunch out of a mail bag,
he's got beautiful legs.
Oh, by the way, you know, I used to have a lot of trouble with Giselle McKenzie
when we played that number.
See, she used to show off and do a lot of tricks and everything to upset me, see?
So don't, just play the counter melody, just straight, no tricks or anything, huh?
You promise?
Yes.
You won't show off with it or anything like she did, just straight, huh?
You know, it's a beautiful counter melody, no tricks.
All right, let's tune up.
Give me A, will you please?
A.
A.
A.
A.
A.
A.
A.
A.
A.
A.
A.
A.
A.
A.
A.
A.
A.
A.
That's close enough.
Okay.
Oh, by the way, darling, how old are you?
Twelve years old.
Twelve years old.
All right, we'll play Getting to Know You.
All right, we'll play Getting to Know You.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
Now, Tony, look, I don't care if we're here all night.
I don't care if we go into the next show just once.
I want you to play it with the right, with the counter melody.
Will you please do it for me?
Just as a favor, don't show off with it.
Just play it straight.
Twelve years old.
She's 31 if she's a day.
Twelve years old.
Roses are red, violets are blue.
I'm beginning to sound like you.
Roses are red, carnations are white, and you are fired as of tonight.
All right.
Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.
I hope you all enjoyed the show, and I'll be seeing you soon.
Bye-bye.